Oh...if it was only that easy....In truth it will never be that easy, not for anyone. Hell even your minister or pastor will tell you that, when he is not standing in the house of God.
So here I am, looking over the green lush grass of my neighbor's lawn. Here I am, staring into the windows of the passing shops, and wanting something that I will never be able to have.
But who am I, you have to ask? I am just another lost soul in the cold frozen north of Michigan. If this was Craigslist I would tell you I am a 32 year old bi married man, with desires and sexual ideas beyond anything my wife could offer, but that is just me, on Criagslist.
Who am I really? Some days I have no idea.. who I am. Some days I am just a horny teenage with a raging hard-on and a large collection of internet porn to masturbate too. Some days I feel like a tired old man, who sits in his comfy chair, praying for death to take him and ease the pain of living. Some days I am the father to my child, pushing him along to be so much better at life then I ever was.
Some days I am a loving husband, who yearns for the moment that I get home to feel my wife's arms around me, her lips pressed against mine, in a passionate embrace. Some days I am just here nothing more..nothing less.
Today is New Years Day, A day in which you have a new year to accomplish what was not finished the year before. A chance to move forward in life with a fresh outlook and even more chances to make life better then it was before, but like in the past year, your gonna look at that grass. Your gonna glance into that window, and your gonna want what you can't have.
This blog is here to chronicle those looks, feelings, desires and adventures I am going face this year. Each day of this year, I will post a thought, feeling or even a new adventure!
This blog will serve as my diary, my journal, my sounding board for whatever comes my way. Sometimes it will only be an erotic story, maybe even a picture or two, maybe just a single simple question to the readers.
Maybe I will find myself on this journey? Maybe I will find what I truly desire on this adventure. Maybe I will just get a bunch of readers all sex-ed up with my carnal tales of sex and craziness....
So let me get back to the topic of this post. The grass. Now I am sure you know I am talking metaphorically here. The grass would be another women, yes someone other then my loving wife.
This amazing piece of grass has been a friend of mine for over a year. We have shared laughter and tears, secrets and desires. We have been a pole to cling too when the storm comes, and a pillow to rest against when day is done.
With all this naturally you would develop feelings for one another. Feelings more then two friends could/should have for one another. That is why when she found a real first love, that I fell even harder then I have before.
I was happy she found the one soul in life that could make her as happy as I have. The one soul that got her as a person, that understood her, cared for her and worshiped her like she deserved and I could never give her.
So with a heavy heart I steeled myself, I pushed my feelings aside and switched to friend mode. I tried so hard to just be a friend, encourage her to open up to this man. I tried to be her sounding post when she needed advice about him and be there when she needed me.
It has been less and less in the last couple of weeks. Things are going well for both of them, I am happy for her, happy for them. I pushed my desires and feelings away, locked them in a box and tossed them into the sea of my mind, in hopes of never finding them.
That was until the other day. During a conversation the subject of sex was brought up, in this conversation she imparted to me like any other secret that she wanted to give herself to him. I encouraged it like any good friend would. I advised of protection and taking it slow. I tried in vain to push the box deeper in mind, but the key was in the lock and slowly turning.
Before the end of that conversation I was at emotional odds with myself. I struggled to fight down the urge to beg her not to, plead with her to stop, don't, and be with me instead. We both knew that this is not what will happen. I knew it would never be that way, I knew I was only banging my cock against a brick wall.
Yesterday I called and wished her a happy new year. I used the snowy roads as an excuse to keep the conversation as short as possible as I was driving to work. Last night I had a dream, my subconscious mind fucked with me so badly it woke me out of a sound sleep on the brink of tears.
The dream was them, calling me in the middle of their sexual exploration, taunting me, provoking me to do something. I can still hear it in my mind. I want her to be happy more then anything. I want her to know the joy of being with another and that other wanting her. For me this conflicts with my own desires, ones I need to learn to control and extinguish. Ones I wish I had never nourished in the first place.
This is what I get for looking at that new shiny grass, window shopping and wanting what i can't have. Ignorance is bliss my friends, don't look...
So today I start anew, fresh and ready, I have desires of my own, ones that won't crush my soul like a nut in a nut cracker. Comments are always welcome here. Post if you like, even leave a thoughtful message or two.
Day one is almost over and I already feel better... Maybe this is the start of something better for me.
Tomorrow I will impart some secrets, desires and maybe a bit of a story....
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