Everyone has one or two, some of us have more then that. Some secrets are hidden away to protect a loved one from the truth, sometimes they are there just to protect ourselves from the ridicule of your friends and family. A hidden shame that you could not face on your own. I have secrets....lots of them. Some I have kept from friends and family, others that I have only shared with the internet at large, because of the anonymity that the internet provides. Even now I could share my deepest darkest secret, that would only impact a chosen few that know me and who I am on here. Two of you already know my secret..
Secrets are the last great truth in life, nothing can penetrate the honesty of a secret, nothing can bring forth the raw emotion in a person like a secret can. Secrets at times are all we have left in this digital age that we truly own.
Sometimes secrets are too big to be contained, a surprise present for a loved one; cheating on your spouse,
or just admitting that you have found pleasure in being with some one of the same sex. Secrets like these have found a new lease on life, and a way to be told, to release the stress of holding them in, on the internet. Sites like Post Secret, forums and even funny sites like Text From Last Night have been an open door to release them to the world, without fear of loved ones finding them.
I have secrets, plenty, more then enough to fill me to the point of bursting. Some secrets trample my conscious mind like a herd of frightened elephants, stomping towards my mouth in a vain attempt to escape and be known.
Some of my secrets are just hidden desires...longing to be with my wife's female friend, or even wanting to invite another into our bed. Some are even too dark to mention, even with the disguise the internet provides.
I try my best to relate my secrets to those closest to me, my wife, she is so understanding, even when it comes to my hidden sexual desires. She has heard them all, seen the look in my eye as I explain them seeing the reaction just the mere mention of them has on my body.
Even now, knowing that she is reading this, I know that I could write my desires here and know she would never fault me for them, and maybe even encourage one or two...that she fancies. My friends would never understand, sadly there is a lot they don't know about me. Thoughts, desires, wants, and needs that they would never understand, or even want to hear.
Which leaves me with this page to express them... My disguise is on, my name secured, my life closed off to this page. You, the reader, could pass me on the street, knowing my secrets and never know it was me who spoke them.
In my previous post I imparted to you that I was bisexual, a secret only a select few people know. My wife, a friend, and an enemy know this small fact about me. No one in my job knows, even my closest male friends don't know.
This desire is one I have suppressed for many years, even more then I think my wife knows. I dabbled in it when the internet was young and AOL chat rooms were the place to be. Cyber sex chats in the middle of the night with aroused males. Moving through sexual scenarios, of the most wicked kind, talk of sucking and touching, bringing each other to release.
The days when I was young and dumb and well...everything that goes along with that. Over the years in secret I would masturbate to naughty pictures. Finding as much as I can, filling my imagination with images and ideas, till I was ready to pop.
Then I met my wife, and the desire faded for a time, my own inner courage was never strong enough to go along with my desires, and even to this day I feel nervous and scared whenever the option is presented to me. I shelved my desires away deciding that it was something to think about and never act upon.
That is until I decided to take up another secret I have not shared with many. A secret that was hidden in plain site, but one you must look closely to see. I started writing erotic stories, small one's at first, only for a audience of one. She loved to hear them and begged me for more each time we spoke. I enjoyed writing them and it allowed my inner desires to flourish once more. A new world opened up to me and I found a release I had not know before.
The simple stories to a love one drove me to write for a broader audience. The internet as a whole, I took to writing them like a duck to water and soon found that people liked the stories. It inspired me, aroused me, made me realize that I could do this. That was when I was struck with inspiration unlike anything I have ever had. The idea that sprang forth from my deepest darkest desires, an idea that challenged me as a writer and a person.
The story came to me in the shower one morning, and before I knew it I had several chapters outlined in my head. A story that was beyond the normal fucking and sucking of penthouse, and more a story of love...with a twist.
The story was about a male who finds love in another female, only to discover that she was once a male. It was a challenge to write, in that the sex is something I have never truly experienced myself. Not to mention the taboo nature of the subject to begin with.
I tired my best and pushed onward even with the apprehension of writing this topic, weighing heavy on my mind. I wrote three chapters and published them, ending the third is such a way to be a final or open for more. It took only a couple of days before e-mails and messages came in begging me for more.
One such e-mail turned into a small conversation with another male, he told me he enjoyed the sex scenes in the story, that they were so close to being real. He asked if I had shown this to my boyfriend, assuming that I had experienced these acts, by the wrote about them. I explained to him that I had never done anything like it, and was merely explaining the sex as I had fantasized about it. To which he replied. "how come?"
How Come? A simple question which had no real simple answer. It is true I have fantasized about it, thought about trying it, even went so far as to seek out others online to safely experiment with it. This opened a new door for me, and one I was eager to step through and experience.
I have had several chances to partake in this desire. My first sexual encounter was magical to say the least, with a very open and understanding couple. Yes one male, one female, and three hours of sexual bliss. I was give the chance to experience a lot on that first time. All of which was orally driven but none the less it was a perfect event. Tomorrow I will share that faithful event, and give you some very dirty details...
For now I must bid you ado...for I have run out of secrets I wish to impart, to you, at this time.
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